I’m Dreaming of a (Black &) White Christmas

Yes, the presents are wrapped and under the tree. The only problem is they are still under the tree in Tesco’s and I’ve got to go out and buy them.

I’ve got is sussed this year- I’m buying everyone a gift of a cow to a farmer in Africa. Well, actually, I’m  not, I’ve just photo shopped a few likely looking certificates saying I’ve done theat. Shove them in envelopes and the job’s a good ‘un. They’ll never know. I’ll just eat lots of beef next year to make up for it and tell everyone who asks that the cow was delicious.

And you thought Scrooge was just a character in A Christmas Carol!

Am I being serious? Well see what you get for a present tomorrow before deciding.


I drove up from London yesterday to the North East. What a dreadful journey it was. All the once a year drivers who are scared to do above 45 mph on the roads. It wouldn’t be so bad except they generally drive at 45mph in the overtaking lane( s) and refuse to pull in, despite their being nothing on the inside lane for 50 miles. Thus causing massive tailbacks. A word for you all, the national speed limit is 70mph and you car will not fall apart if you do 46 mph.

Then there are the lorries pulling out to overtake the cars doing 55mph. This doesn’t sound bad, but you need to recall the lorries are restricted to 56mph, so they take several miles to overtake anything, and consequentially cause more tailbacks.

As the journey was so slow, I had to make a stop on the way up for lunch. Yes Tom, I stopped at Wetherby for a Whale (http://www.wetherbywhaler.co.uk/ ). Shame you were on the train, it doesn’t stop at Wetherby, well not since 1964 when Dr Beeching closed it.

Wetherby_railway_station_signWetherby railway station sign – the station went years ago

Tom, as you missed out, here is the next best thing to those succulent fish & chips, a gloating blog telling you what you have missed out on.

TomTom on Hearing I’d been to Wetherby without him

After Wetherby, I made my way to County Durham, and despite the warnings about the weather, I did not need to book a hotel room at the Travelodge at Scotch Corner and wait for the thaw to set in.

A quick visit to my parents however nearly proved dangerous – no not because of my mother’s cooking (only joking mum – honest! Please take that arsenic out of my portion of turkey for tomorrow), but because it snowed again on and made the roads out of Kirk Merrington to the A1 rather tricky. However, I did manage to get onto the A1(M ) and onto Horsley to see Michelle.

Horsley is like a winter wonderland – lots of snow, and a pretty picture postcard look across the Tyne Valley. A gourmet tea, was followed by a glass or several of Oyster Bay wine courtesy of Netto! Yes Netto- the wine is fantastic and its cheap there. I will say however that if you come to Horsley, don’t expect to be served the Oyster Bay white wine. Michelle has some “nice” chardonnay for visitors and non wine connoisseurs.

A late night spot of dogging followed. I am of course referring to taking Michelle’s two dogs for their evening walk. I haven’t got a clue what you were thinking about. you foul minded persons. It was too cold to be anything less than fully wrapped up, including hats, gloves, scarves, coats, several layers etc..

Today is the final preparations for the big day. So, instead of shopping, I’m blogging! Seriously, got a couple of last minute things to do, then its dinner with Michelle & her parents, before I have to head back to Kirk Merrington to spend Christmas with my parents, my siblings and my son. Michelle will be spending Christmas with her family. Sadly we are apart on Christmas Day. We will be together after the football on Boxing Day and will remain so until the New Year. It doesn’t seem right to be apart on Christmas Day, yet only be 30 miles apart. However, I have tried all ways to find a way to square the circle of Christmas arrangements, but sadly its not possible. Have to make do with phone calls on Christmas Day.

However, in the best spirit of Baldrick from Blackadder, I have a cunning plan. A very cunning plan! At my mother’s we sit down to Christmas lunch usually around 13:30, and have it finished for the Queen’s speech at 15:00. A not to be missed occasion each year for a Monarchist like me.

Last night Michelle revealed….. no, not that sort of revealing, you and your dirty minds. No, Michelle revealed to me that her Christmas meal is usually at somewhere like 17:30. So, I could copy Dawn French in the Vicar of Dibley and have 2 Christmas meals and spend Christmas night with Michelle and her family

In the  spirit of Baldrick however, there is a flaw in this plan.

How am I going to get the 30 miles for my parent’s to Michelle’s house? Clearly I won’t be able to drive, drink-driving laws etc. I wonder how nice I would have to be to get Michelle to pick me up after the Queen’s Speech. “Erm,  Michelle……”

If I don’t blog again before Christmas Day, then a Merry Christmas to you all. Have a good day and remember the meaning of Christmas. its not just a pagan festival, there is Christ in there.

Finally, all I need for Christmas is 3 points off Man City on Boxing Day and a decent performance of a Carrol – Andy that is not Christmas

Finally, anyone know when the DFS sale starts? Is it New Years Day or Boxing Day?

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