The Chimps’ Tea Party

On Boxing Day, I went to see Newcastle v Man Chester City along with my Dad and Tom. Thanks for the ticket Dad. Sadly, the game was over after less than five minutes with Newcastle being 2-0 down by then. Too much turkey for the Newcastle defence it seems. The game ended 1-3 to Manchester City. The difference in the two sides was Carlos Tevez, he was outstanding and ran the show. Every time he got the ball, you feared he would score or set up a goal. I hate to admit it that he was rather good to watch.

After the game, we drove to Horsley to see Michelle, and were joined there by My mother and my brother Martin, my sister Jacqui and her partner Maurice and also by Michelle’s parent’s Liz & Keith and of course her son Josh. The Chimp’s tea party was underway.

Michelle played the perfect host, lots of good food, including an excellent chilli and a drink or two was available. A few belated Christmas presents were exchanged and lots of laughter and merriment was had. Eleven of us in one small room to eat and drink was a squeeze, but made for a good intimate contact.

I have to just say how hard it is to make a chilli that is mild enough for those who are wusses and hot enough for those who like it hot. Michelle managed that rather well by having a separate bowl of chopped chillies to be added to your portion according to taste.

I am however horrified at the behaviour of certain members of my family. I’ll mention no names, but a sister of mine got herself so drunk she lay down on the sofa and went to sleep. This on the first time she meets Michelle’s family. I can’t believe she would behave that way. You’d never catch me doing that – I prefer to throw up on the Vicar’s wife (long story for another day), or try flying off hotel balconies ( I am the Benidorm Balcony diving Champion for 1987)

SAM_0012SAM_0014SAM_0017Getting Drunker?


Tom Gloats about his Drunken Auntie – notice the empties in front of her on the table


Jacqui A Reveller Getting into the Swing of the Party

Apart from the drunkards, the night seemed to go well, judging by the number of empty bottles the following morning. To avoid a visit from the Health authorities lecturing on alcohol awareness, we surreptitiously distributed empty bottles amongst the neighbours re cycling bins.

Seriously, it was a good night – thanks to everyone for making it so.


After everyone left, Michelle, Tom and I had a wind down drink – and managed to get through a 1 litre bottle of Vodka. All was going well until Michelle did her party pieces: throwing her wine over the table, carpet and floor and then falling asleep on the sofa.

Monday, not surprisingly was a rather slow day with it taking hours to motivate ourselves to do anything. We did eventually drive down to my parents to take Tom back there, and my father opened another couple of bottles of champagne. Well, it would be rude not to wouldn’t it.

After we returned to Michelle’s we had a quiet night in with a couple of more bottles of champagne and settled down to watch a film. Yes, quality viewing “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”. Did we see it all? Nope, Did we see half of it? Nope.

So, what of today? Well, we are just heading off for a pub lunch, then no doubt, a quiet night in with wine, beer, cider, vodka etc.……

Reading over my blog recently, it may seem to you that there is a lack of cycling and an excess of alcohol. You’d clearly by 50% right, I’ve not been out on my bike for ages. The weather has been such that cycling has not been possible. I had intended to brink a bike up to Horsley to go out riding this week, but it’s simply not the weather for it. (Well that’s my excuse). As for the alcohol, I’m doing my bit to save Michelle’s liver. I am working on the basis that if I drink 1/2 the alcohol, it must reduce the chances of her getting cirrhosis. (Well that and I like a drink or three as well).


Snow White didn’t achieve much in her life but she managed to turn one of the dwarves purple.
At least she dyed Happy

Hypocrites Pt 2

Just a short mention for Manchester City Fans on Boxing Day singing

“Newcastle is a sh*thole

I want to go home”

This would be the Manchester City who until recently were based in the Moss side area of Manchester before moving to Eastlands

Now Moss side is described in the following terms on Wikipedia

In 1981 the Moss Side area was one of England’s inner city areas affected by a series of riots. Analysts trace the 1970s origins of Manchester’s gang crime to social deprivation in the south-central part of the city — Hulme, Longsight and Moss Side — where it was difficult to make money by legitimate means. A parallel trade in illegal narcotics and firearms gave rise to Manchester’s nickname of “Gunchester”. “Turf wars” between rival drugs ‘gangs’, resulted in a high number of fatal shootings. During what has been termed the Madchester phase of the history of Manchester, narcotic trade in the city became “extremely lucrative” and in the early 1990s a gang war started between two groups vying for control of the market in Manchester city centre – the ‘Cheetham Hill Gang’ and The ‘Gooch Close Gang’, in Cheetham Hill and Moss Side respectively. There were several high profile shootings associated with gangs and drugs in this area during the 1990s and into the 21st century

Doesn’t it sound a lovely place?

The Eastlands area where they have moved to is not much better. It may have less reported shootings than Moss side, but it is not an area you’d like to be in after dark.

What does Wikipedia say about Manchester’s crime levels?

Based on the population estimates for 2005, crime levels in the city are considerably higher than the national average. Some parts of Manchester were adversely affected by its rapid urbanisation, resulting in high levels of crime in areas such as Moss Side and Wythenshawe.

The number of theft from a vehicle offences and theft of a vehicle per 1,000 of the population was 25.5 and 8.9 compared to the English national average of 7.6 and 2.9 respectively.

The number of sexual offences was 1.9 compared to the average of 0.9.

The national average of violence against another person was 16.7 compared to the Manchester average of 32.7.

The figures for crime statistics were all recorded during the 2006/7 financial year.

So, in Manchester you are more likely to be mugged, burgled assaulted, have you car stolen etc.

What does Wikipedia say about Newcastle?

Newcastle was in the top ten of the country’s top night spots, and

The Rough Guide to Britain placed Newcastle upon Tyne’s nightlife as Great Britain’s no. 1 tourist attraction.

In the Tripadvisor Travellers’ Choice Destination Awards for European Nightlife destinations, four of the UK’s nightspots finished in the top 10; Newcastle was awarded 3rd Place behind London, and Berlin. Newcastle also came in seventh for the World category

 So reader, I’ll leave it to you do decide which place is a sh*thole

I could go on at length given I have lived in both cities, but I’ll let Wikipedia speak for me