Well, I’m typing this slowly as: –
a) I can’t manage to type fast even when sober
b) I can sit here and type without too much exertion
c) Its a quiet activity!
Apparently, I’ve been Lion & Lambed. I understand from Michelle that this is the technical term for what happened last night.
We decided to round off an exciting day of shopping with a meal at the local pub. More about the meal later, but I know you want to know about the shopping trip. We decided to pop out to get some anti-bacterial wipes. Now, living in a village there is no shop here, so we decided to drive down to Sainsbury’s in Throckley, some 5 miles away. As per usual, of course we never bought any anti-bacterial wipes in Tesco’s, but instead bought champagne. Well, its easy to mistake one for the other.
This obviously meant we had to visit another supermarket. After a short debate, we decided it would be Morrisons next. So we ended up in Netto1 at Westerhope.
Now this was a first for me. I’ve managed to avoid being seen in Netto for 20 years, so I had to put on my disguise. I disguised myself as a slob to fit in with the clientele in Netto- it wasn’t hard to disguise myself in this way. Now we managed to acquire the anti-bacterial wipes, some Pringles and the idea of buying some Oyster Bay white wine. Sadly this Netto store did not have any of it in stock, so we headed to Morrisons instead for some scallops! Are you keeping up?
Next it was off to Netto at Newburn to see if they had any Oyster Bay Wine in. Luckily for us, they did at £5.99 a bottle or, six bottles for £29.95, so a case of wine it was then! Then we made it home.
I must make a mention of this sign at Netto at Newburn
The mind boggles at the type of smoke screen they are deploying. Who mentioned Johnny Fartpants?
A quick wash and brush up and we headed off to the local pub for the some scran. Pub grub? It doesn’t come much better than at the Lion & Lamb. Service was rather good, but this could possible be because Michelle used to work there. A quick pint to start, 2 bottles of wine with the meal, a couple more pints afterwards and then back home for another couple of bottles of wine. So, I make that only 4 bottles of wine between us and 3 pints for me and 3 VAT’s for Michelle. So, assuming 11 units of alcohol in a bottle, that means we drank 56 units of alcohol between us last night or 28 units each.
The so called government guidelines suggest 21 units PER WEEK for men and 14 units for women. Oh dear! Now remember that on: –
Wednesday we drank a lot of beers and most of a bottle of port (but between 3 of us)
Tuesday – we drank at least 3 bottles of wine and half a bottle of port, but again there were 3 of us
Monday, we took it easy and only had 2 bottles of champagne between the 2 of us
I think we have already drinking the 2nd week of June 2013’s alcohol limit now.
As a distraction, I’m sat on the sofa typing this as Michelle is sat on the hearth poking at the candle display with a tea spoon. What is that about? I did suggest to her, that a candle would light better if she used a match or a lighter instead.
Just been looking at the local Chinese menu for a takeaway tonight. According to the menu, the Fried Rice Dishes do not come with rice. Now, I know i may be slow today, but… surely the important ingredient in a rice dish is rice isn’t it?
Michelle’s mother has volunteered to collect the Chinese tonight as she says we are both still too drunk from last night’s soiree to drive to the Chinese. Result – means we can start drinking early.
I am going to have to end this entry soon as the Bailey’s has been cracked open. Its 2 o’clock, this is going to be a long day!
Happy New Year Reader and remember its not big or clever to get drunk, but it is great fun
1 Netto being the lowest of the low in the supermarket chain. The carrier bags used to cost more than their own brand baked beans