Seeing Through Other People’s Eyes

I recently watched an episode of  Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners on TV. For those who haven’t watched it, its a rather formulaic TV programme where they put 2 extremes together.

The send round someone who cleans to excess to the home of someone who doesn’t. The cleaners can spend several hours each day cleaning their home. Indeed in one recent programme, the cleaner, a man was so obsessive that he would not sleep in his bed because it would crease the sheets. Despite this he still changed the bedding every 2 days despite not using the same.

The slobs are extreme, some people are hoarders whose houses you cannot find a surface not covered in junk.

Jade from Cornwall meets Deborah from Dunstable and Deborah’s six goats. And clutter-bug and amateur inventor Scott locks horns with self-confessed control freak Lynsey in Blackpool.

Jade is from St Austell and cleans uninterrupted for six hours every day. Her fear of coming into contact with grease is so bad she uses sandwich bags on her hands and hates any form of pet hair and mess.

Jade is taking time out of her cleaning routine to help 48-year-old Deborah, from Dunstable, who is known locally as ‘goat lady’. Deborah’s three bedroom house has been overrun by her six goats, who have free run of the kitchen, living room and conservatory. Self-confessed control freak Lynsey can vacuum up to 20 times a day. Lynsey is going to the home of newly married couple Scott and Faith from Blackpool.

Scott is an amateur inventor who’s constantly collecting scrap and their house is full to bursting point. Scott’s stubborn streak surfaces when he and Lynsey don’t see eye to eye.

As it happened, as the programme was on TV I was actually cleaning my house. Yes, you read that correctly, I was cleaning my house!

Why, I hear you ask? Well, Michelle is coming down this weekend and I fear that she will think my house looks like one of those in the TV programme. I am I think on pretty safe ground in thinking she will not mistake my home for that of an obsessive compulsive cleaner. That is right isn’t it Michelle?

I have to say that since I met Michelle, I know now what that thing called a duster is and what furniture polish is for!

I dread to think what Michelle really thought the first time she came to visit my house. Apparently, buying cleaning products is not sufficient to clean a house. It seems that you have to use them as well! See all these things I have learned over the years.

I am told that it is not normal to clean my bicycles more often than my house. That surely can’t be correct can it?

I’ve discovered that it is possible to use a steam cleaner without requiring medical treatment. I’m not sure other people believe that though!

Anyway, after spending the evening hoovering, cleaning the floors, disposing of out of date food etc., the house is nearly fit to welcome Michelle down. Good job I’m off on Friday to finish cleaning the house.

I don’t want to disappoint those of you with a mental image of me doing the cleaning, but I don’t wear a pinny, nor do I wear yellow marigold gloves to clean the bath. Although when I use that evil steam cleaner I feel I should be in some sort of asbestos protective suit.

I’m definitely not an obsessive compulsive cleaner, but I would hope that these days I am no longer a total obsessive compulsive non cleaner.

We can put a man on the moon, send unmanned probes to Mars and beyond. Surely we can invent a self cleaning house?

Or is that why God created wives?



PS Their may be a degree of artistic licence in the above article

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