The Nursing Times Issue 2

Well another day spent carrying out my new role acting as nurse / carer for Michelle. I was going to say I was the responsible adult @ Chez Michelle, but she pointed out the terms of the Trade Descriptions Act! I have no idea what she was referring to.

Some people may doubt how dedicated I am to my Florence/Beverley role . Well let me put your minds at ease. Today was FA Cup 3rd Round Day & I chose to be at Michelle’s beck and call rather than going to watch Spennymoor Town or Leyton Orient play their 3rd round ties. As I am a dedicated football fan, I am sure you dear reader, will appreciate what a sacrifice this is for me to make.

Some of you unsympathetic types may try to twist and bleat by pointing out neither team were playing in the 3rd round. That of course is just splitting hairs.

Now, you will note I never mentioned Newcastle United, but as they didn’t come to see me when I was bad, I was not going to see them.

The burden of caring for Michelle is incredible. I mean she sits on the sofa all day bossing me around. The moment I try to sit down, she demands I peel her another grape or get her more drink.

Then the selfish lady called patient line on me tonight. It took ages to persuade hem I was not abusing Michelle, simply because when she went to bed, I offered to put her lights out. How that could be considered abusive behaviour I do not know.

Anyway, a day in the  life of dedicated nurse/carer.
0500 Wake up to light fire so house is warm when  patient awakes
0600 Put bread onto bake for patient’s breakfast
0700 Walk the 3 miles to paper shop to get papers for Michelle
0800 Bring Michelle breakfast in bed & deliver papers to her bedside.
0805 Start to clean house from top to bottom, washing all floors by hand after dusting and hoovering. Put 1st load of washing on for the day.
1030 Pause cleaning to bring Michelle downstairs, assist her to shower and dress before assisting her to her day seat on the sofa. (Note all following tasks are interspersed with bringing food & drink to Michelle on the sofa as she demands it)
1100 Resume cleaning duties
1230 Prepare lunch for Michelle
1330 After cleaning up the lunch dishes I have to go shopping for groceries for tonight’s tea as chosen by Michelle. Incidentally, do you know how hard it is to source quail’s eggs in Newcastle.
1500 Back home, prepare more food and drink for Michelle.
1600 Hoover complete house again before preparing dinner.
1700 Start preparing the dinner that Michelle demanded for tea.
1800 A chance for me to eat for the first time today, the left over from Michelle’s dinner as I do the washing up.
1900 Spend evening ironing for Michelle
2100 Put Michelle to bed ( deal with Patient line re that unfortunate  misunderstanding I mentioned earlier)

As you can see, the life of a carer is not an easy one.

Finally, I must confess that I had some assistance writing this blog post from my mate Mr Hans C Anderson.