It’s Bigger Than I Expected. It’s Eye watering

Well the 3rd Annual UK Police Unity Tour is over. It ended with ano eye wateringly big one .

Today was a 9 miles ride for our bunch of around 125 into the National Memorial Arboretum for the COPS survivors weekend.

We were honoured by COPS to be awarded their volunteer of the year award. I feel humbled as all we do is have a (nice?) bike ride.

The Memorial Service is as always eye watering when you gear the survivors tales. I am not even going to try to put in words the accounts we heard.

COPS work to rebuild shattered lives and thanks to your donations we were able to hand over a cheque for £75,000 to COPS from  this year’s ride.

To think in 2013 20+ idiots on bikes set off on a ride and now we raised that much in one ride this year.

Thank you all.

There is still time to donate at

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A Blow Job and a Threesome

Well the 2nd day of the 2015 UK Police Tour riding is over. Now its time for the awards ceremony, the refreshments and of course that threesome. The blow job has already happened.

Today was a 65 mile romp (?) from Milton Keynes to Tamworth, via the Hinckley Point Hotel. Basically we rode out of Milton Keynes onto the A5 and pretty much stayed on it nearly all the way to Tamworth, with a few diversions for extra hills.

The ride today was along rolling countryside. We climbed around 2700 or so feet. This was pretty much the same ride as last year, but the hills were so much harder this year. Why? You may well ask. Its not because the Highways Agency have increased the size of the hills. It was because its hard to ride hills when you are having a blow job.

Stop sniggering, I am referring to the 20 mph head wind we were riding into all day. What exactly were you imagining.

Lunch today was like last year with the COPS survivors at the Hinckley Point Hotel and a chance to meet the widow of the officer I was riding in memory of.

Then it was a 20 mile ride to Tamworth with a killer hill 2 miles from the hotel just to catch you off guard.

Its not too late to sponsor me or by texting “COPS 93 £10” TO 70070

Last night I had a room to myself, but tonight I am sharing with one of my fellow ride marshalls. The threesome? Well I am also sharing my room with someone very special, or rather something special. Yes I have my bike in my room.


Tomorrow is the 10 mile ride to the memorial service at the National Memorial Arboretum and then a trip back to London and then a drive to Newcastle.

Right time for some R and R as there is a pint with my name on at the bar.

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Wet Wet Wet

There really can be one  only way to describe today

Today was the first day of the 3rd UK Police Unity Tour. The 2 previous rides have had opening days that were scorching hot days. Last year the ride started on what was the hottest day of the year.

This year was rather different. 93 riders set off from thr Police Memorial on the Mall in London and road via Bushey, Luton, Biggleswade and Ampthill to Milton Keynes where we stayed at the Holiday Inn.

We rode a total of 85 miles.


2 years ago 20 of us ventured out on the first UK Police Unity Tour. We now had to limit the event to 100 riders ( with drop outs we had 93 starters). Incidentally there was a ride in Scotland last week and 2 other rides setting off from Norfolk and Leicestershire. Thus a total of 162 riders will have ridden this year. We have already raised over £65,000 this year and over £120,000 in 3 years for COPS. Its still not too late for you to donate online via or by texting “COPS 93 £10 to 70070.

The ride this year took place in torrential rain. We were out in the rain for 10 hours today, including stops and a very moving wreath laying ceremony by a father and member of the PUT at the spot where his son was killed.

I do not have photographs from today as it was too wet. Its now 23:30 at night and my kit is still literally dripping wet. Tomorrow will be an unpleasant day having to put on wet kit and wet shoes. However it is nothing compared to the sacrifices made by officers who gave their life to their job.

I rode for several miles today with a lovely young lady who was doing the ride with her mother. She lost her sister a number of years ago in an horrific incident in Manchester . They saw us ride to the National Memorial last year and decided they wanted to do the ride. What made this so special was to see the father who laid the wreath where his son died, helping the mother to get up the hills. A great example of the COPS spirit. Survivors helping survivors.

Today was rounded off with a few beers and a curry with fellow riders, and sharing old war stories.

Hopefully a longer post tomorrow and a drier ride

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Je Suis Charlie



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The Nursing Times Issue 3

They say a picture is worth a 1,000 words. So imagine how many words a video is worth in describing my day.

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The Nursing Times Issue 2

Well another day spent carrying out my new role acting as nurse / carer for Michelle. I was going to say I was the responsible adult @ Chez Michelle, but she pointed out the terms of the Trade Descriptions Act! I have no idea what she was referring to.

Some people may doubt how dedicated I am to my Florence/Beverley role . Well let me put your minds at ease. Today was FA Cup 3rd Round Day & I chose to be at Michelle’s beck and call rather than going to watch Spennymoor Town or Leyton Orient play their 3rd round ties. As I am a dedicated football fan, I am sure you dear reader, will appreciate what a sacrifice this is for me to make.

Some of you unsympathetic types may try to twist and bleat by pointing out neither team were playing in the 3rd round. That of course is just splitting hairs.

Now, you will note I never mentioned Newcastle United, but as they didn’t come to see me when I was bad, I was not going to see them.

The burden of caring for Michelle is incredible. I mean she sits on the sofa all day bossing me around. The moment I try to sit down, she demands I peel her another grape or get her more drink.

Then the selfish lady called patient line on me tonight. It took ages to persuade hem I was not abusing Michelle, simply because when she went to bed, I offered to put her lights out. How that could be considered abusive behaviour I do not know.

Anyway, a day in the  life of dedicated nurse/carer.
0500 Wake up to light fire so house is warm when  patient awakes
0600 Put bread onto bake for patient’s breakfast
0700 Walk the 3 miles to paper shop to get papers for Michelle
0800 Bring Michelle breakfast in bed & deliver papers to her bedside.
0805 Start to clean house from top to bottom, washing all floors by hand after dusting and hoovering. Put 1st load of washing on for the day.
1030 Pause cleaning to bring Michelle downstairs, assist her to shower and dress before assisting her to her day seat on the sofa. (Note all following tasks are interspersed with bringing food & drink to Michelle on the sofa as she demands it)
1100 Resume cleaning duties
1230 Prepare lunch for Michelle
1330 After cleaning up the lunch dishes I have to go shopping for groceries for tonight’s tea as chosen by Michelle. Incidentally, do you know how hard it is to source quail’s eggs in Newcastle.
1500 Back home, prepare more food and drink for Michelle.
1600 Hoover complete house again before preparing dinner.
1700 Start preparing the dinner that Michelle demanded for tea.
1800 A chance for me to eat for the first time today, the left over from Michelle’s dinner as I do the washing up.
1900 Spend evening ironing for Michelle
2100 Put Michelle to bed ( deal with Patient line re that unfortunate  misunderstanding I mentioned earlier)

As you can see, the life of a carer is not an easy one.

Finally, I must confess that I had some assistance writing this blog post from my mate Mr Hans C Anderson.

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Happy New Year?

Well another year is well under way. A good year in store or not is still to be determined. For some it will be a good year for others it will be Michelin or Pirelli (ok, no more crap jokes this year).

The New Year started with a difference for Michelle and I. We watched the fireworks on the Quayside in Newcastle and talked about the year ahead as I sipped another vodka and diet coke, and Michelle sipped her lemon squash.

What was unusual was not the fact that Michelle was not drinking, although that, some may say is highly unusual. The unusual thing is we were 12 miles apart and chatting by mobile phone. I was in Michelle’s home along with my son Tom & Michelle’s youngest Josh. Unfortunately, Michelle was recuperating in the Freeman Hospital after an operation.

Fortunately Michelle is now back home beginning the long road back to full fitness. I am currently looking after her. I think my caring skills area bit like this lady


Michelle disagrees and says I am to her care what the lady below was to nursing


I am sure those of you reading this will draw up our own conclusions as to who is right. Michelle keeps threatening to ring the hospital and ask if she can be re admitted! This in the first 24 hours of my looking after her!

I have been washing clothes, hoovering, dusting, cooking, shopping etc. Domesticated me you know!

On a more serious note, I have to say a big thank you to all the staff at the hospital who are a credit to the hospital. The hard work I observed when visiting Michelle, from the porters, nurses and nursing auxiliaries during long shifts over New Years Eve and New Years day, contrasts with the selfish, greedy and downright lazy attitude of top flight professional footballers who think they are overworked having to play up to 4 football matches in 12 days.

These footballers are earning up to £300,000 per week and say it is dangerous for them to play 4 x 90 minutes of football (6hours) in 12 days. The nurses are luck to earn £600 per week and happily work perhaps 80 hours in the same time the footballers are complaining about 6 hours work.

Said footballers forget they are in the entertainment business and people expect to be entertained over the Christmas break when they can go to games. I note the lazy, greedy, selfish footballers don’t suggest they take a pay cut in return for not playing he games.

Sadly these days hard work & dedication to caring for others earns you far less per year than an average Premiership footballer earns per week.

Anyway, have a great New Year and remember to break any resolutions you made, as soon as possible. Why? Then you can get back to life and stop stressing about the resolutions.

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